An Excerpt from "Living Right Side up in an Upside Down World" by Kathryn Montoya

I have thought about making my long story short, but then you wouldn't have the whole picture of where I am coming from and when it all began. I was called to this life as a young teenager, but spent years running away from it. Once I finally decided to give in and allow God to make me what He wanted me to be, I began writing the things down which He showed me. But now I am getting ahead of myself, so let me back up.

I accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior at a good news club in my neighborhood when I was 7 or 8 years old. I was excited about Him and memorized every Scripture that I could get my hands on with great enthusiasm. As time went on my passion faded and I just did the "church thing", without any real relationship with Christ. When I became a teenager I began to search for a deeper relationship with my Savior and I began to study the life of Saint Francis of Assisi.

Saint Francis was a handsome young man, son of a wealthy dealer in fine fabrics. Francis was a war hero at a very young age and very popular among the people. He went to church faithfully with his parents and followed all the customs of his day. As another war broke out Francis was sent off to battle. On his way something hit him that caused him to realize that this is not what life is really about. He came home in sort of a mesmerized state and his family treated him as if he were ill. After that, Francis spent much time in prayer and meditation.

He searched for His Savior in the depths of caves, the middle of forests and through the valleys. When he finally found his Christ he wanted to completely give up everything for Him. Finally, in a public square Francis gave to his wealthy, not-so-understanding father everything that he owned and literally stood there naked. He wanted absolutely no possessions to hinder his walk with the Lord. Shortly after, a poor man gave him a tunic to wear and Francis left the town that day with absolutely nothing. From that point on his walk with the Lord grew closer and closer. Many people came to know Jesus through his testimony and example. He never looked back, but always looked forward to what the Lord would use him for next.

I was so inspired by this story of a man giving everything up for the cross, that I could hardly believe it. Then I realized, he wasn't the first one to do this. Jesus too gave everything up for the sake of the cross, and He had a whole lot more to give up than Francis ever did. Trying to follow Christ's and Francis' example I began to spend much time in prayer and meditation.

My youth group had a full time youth leader who let us come spend as much time in the youth center as we wanted. It became a habit for us to go there everyday after school and just "hang out". I usually would "hang out" alone in the grass under a tree praying, or taking a walk near there talking to the Lord (sometimes out loud). Some of my friends thought that I was strange (or on drugs), but I really preferred to spend time with the Lord rather than them. As I drew closer to the Lord, He began to call me to a life of poverty and ministry. A life completely dedicated to Him. I wasn't sure exactly what God wanted from me. I wasn't rich, but I sure wasn't poor. I lived in a mid to upper-class neighborhood and was in want for nothing. I prayed and prayed and asked God continually to tell me what he wanted from me. This is when the big tug-o-war began inside of me. I can still remember talking with my youth leader about why Christians lived so well here in the U.S. and how I struggled with owning a pair of designer jeans.

Finally, one night I was at the youth center, it was pouring rain outside, but I just felt God calling to me. I walked outside in my bare feet (as I commonly did back then) and looked right up into the sky, I screamed to God "do you really want me to live a life of poverty?" and He answered me with a loud voice that I heard with my heart and my ears, "yes", He said. I was so excited that I had heard from God that I ran back into my youth center and told everyone. They probably thought I was crazy, but I was so excited that I didn't care. From that moment on, the struggle inside of me grew increasingly worse. I didn't know how to live in poverty. I didn't know how God wanted me to live at all, and I failed to trust Him or even to ask Him to show me how. Out of my frustration I began to slowly fall away from Him. I have shared this story with very few people and it still causes me to cry. To think of how it must have grieved the Lord to see me turn away, still aches my heart.

My life went on though and I completely forgot about everything that God had showed me, I got married, had kids and moved to Idaho. We were still a church going family, but my relationship with the Lord was almost completely non-existent (except for an occasional emergency prayer). We just muddled along doing our own thing and trying to live out the "American Dream". You know, the nice house, big yard, 3.5 kids and nice cars.

Then, suddenly, and I'm not sure exactly when, but God began to tug at my heart. I began to seek Him in ways that I hadn't done in years. I didn't know how He felt about me and wasn't really sure how I felt about myself. I began to pray more earnestly, read and study the Bible and even began reading Christian books. I changed churches and found other believers who had vibrant on-going relationships with the Lord. As I began once again to draw closer to the Lord, He slowly began to remind me of the work that He had begun in me years ago. I had completely forgotten all of it, and God, in his great mercy, began to bring it back to me a little at a time.

At first He just reminded me of the relationship we once had and I longed to rekindle that. After a couple of years of going to this church, praying and Bible study our relationship had grown far beyond what it ever had been. Then God began to remind me of the calling He had for me. My pastor's wife had given me a book by K. P. Yohannan, "Revolution in World Missions". Reading this book began to give me a glimpse of the true purpose of life. I began to read other books by K.P. Yohannan and couldn't believe how they brought me back again and again to the calling that God had given me so many years ago. My and my husband's hearts truly began to change as we longed to conform to His will. I began to win the tug of war inside of me, as the pull of a life of poverty and service to God got stronger and the pull of the world began to weaken. Finally, I began to ask God to show me how to live the life that He has called me to. At first He just gave me verses and little ideas confirming what He was asking me. Later He gave me complete ideas and concepts (chapters) and I began writing them down. For every idea and Scripture there was a lesson for me to learn. So much of the lessons were related that I began putting them all together by category. As each category began to grow I realized that the Lord was actually putting together a book for me. I have decided to type it all out so I can share with others what the Lord has shared with me. He is such a good and gracious Father! I praise Him every day, and if I could, I would praise Him with every breath that I breathe!

This has been somewhat of a difficult past few years for us, but the lessons we learned have been worth every bit of it. The changes that have going on in my and my husband's lives have been awesome. To look back to where we were from where we are now, we are really amazed. To look forward to all the promises the Lord has for us, we really truly are amazed! As we look back, we see how we were actually living in an upside down world, and we were upside down right along with it. Now as we have allowed the Lord to turn our lives right side up, we can really see His blessings come down upon us. As our decision to be on the front lines of the Lord's battle has been a slow, progressive one, He has changed our hearts and our lifestyles to prepare us for this job. I will never turn away from God again, He has given me a second chance and I praise Him for that.

I like to think of myself as one of His stray sheep that He brought back to the fold. When a sheep is stubborn in His desire to go astray the shepherd must break his leg. Then immediately he binds it up and cares for that sheep better than the others. When that sheep can't keep up, he will then carry that seep. You can always tell the sheep that has strayed and was brought back. He (or she) is the one that follows closest behind the shepherd. I can not be a mediocre Christian who goes to church on Sundays and Wednesdays and helps out in the church. That is just not enough for me. I dedicate the rest of my life to Him and vow to be a radical Christian for Him. To live radically for Christ means to live totally right side up in a totally upside down world!